Big Magic!

Yes, I am reading Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert. And while the title of this post is totally inspired by her book – this post is not about her book, but is about some Big Magic that’s been happening in my life.

In the spring, while searching for free meditation videos, I stumbled upon Jai-Jagdeesh’s kirtan music through Gabby Bernstein – who refers to Jai-Jagdeesh in her posts and videos. I was immediately drawn to Jai-Jagdeesh’s enchanting voice. After meditating to some of her music, I was moved beyond. It was such a physical, powerful experience for me, and I was interested in what it had sparked. If you don’t want to do silent mediation, this gal is your gal. I bought all of her albums, and tried to find her playing somewhere that I might be able to visit, but she’d just gotten back from touring and there were no further scheduled concert dates.

A couple of weeks later, I woke up at 11:11. I’d been dreaming. I closed my eyes and went back into the dream I’d been having, and I could see Jai-Jagdeesh and I signing together. What was amazing about the dream was that not only was I signing with her, but that I could hear the sound of my own voice in the dream. Normally, during dreams, when I try to speak or yell, I can’t hear my voice. But this time, in the dream, I could hear me!

The next morning I was chatting with John and wondering about the meaning of the dream. Did it mean I was supposed to start taking voice lessons? Or did it mean that I was finally finding my own voice? I wasn’t sure. Later on in the day, I was sitting at home. It was foggy and dreary out, and I kept thinking about going to a yoga class in the city. This is not the norm for me – I live out of town, so driving 45 minutes to get to a class is not something I do. But this day I was feeling different, I was feeling light, happy, and inspired from the dream. My rational self kept telling me this was silly and crazy, ‘just do yoga at home,’ said the voice. But when I looked online, I saw that Shanti Yoga in Bedford was offering a Chakra yoga class that evening for $25. Chakras? Not really sure what they are, or how they relate to me, but I was curious. And so instead of listening to the voice with the doubt, I listened to the curiosity.

The workshop was great, I released some emotional blocks I didn’t even know I had – this chakra business unlocked something for me in 2 short hours, and I was intrigued and wanted more. So many things the teacher said resonated with me. The teacher of the class, Michelle Robinson (, spoke about her teacher, Anodea Judith, who is a leading authority on chakras. She has dedicated most of her life to studying and teaching about the chakras. Michelle had been to one of Anodea’s 7-day workshops, The Psychology of the Chakras. That night, I went home and found the workshop was being offered at Kripalu, in Lennox Massachusetts, the first week of August. Then and there, I knew I was going. I knew I had to go. I didn’t do my usual research to see if it was the right thing to attend, I just knew I would make it happen. I immediately blocked it off in the calendar.

Fast forward to the first day of the workshop…I arrive at Kripalu, and on my way to check into my room, I see a woman standing outside on the front lawn. She looks a lot like Jai-Jagdeesh. But I’m not sure. Could it be? She wasn’t scheduled to play here – I would know if she was playing here. Right? My eyes must be playing tricks. I head back towards the hallway leading to my room, and pass by the notice board with the weekend schedule. And there it is. A poster. Jai-Jagdeesh is playing a free, live concert the following night. Oh my god. It was her. I can’t even believe it. I want to jump up and down. I want to scream. I am seriously freaking out inside.

Other than the birth of my children and our wedding night, the night of the concert was by far, without a doubt, the most amazing night of MY LIFE. I’m not kidding. What I have experienced while meditating to her music, was amplified exponentially. Her albums are fantastic, but seeing her live, blows her albums out of the water. When Jai-Jagdeesh sings, the sounds that come from her mouth, are out of this world. Her voice comes from a place that is deep within, but connected to something greater – with a source, god, divine light, love, the universe – whatever you want to call it, it pours out of her body and into the audience. It is something that can’t even just be seen, it must be felt. You bathe in her light, and you can feel it within you.

She sang one of her songs ‘I Am The Light Of Love,’ and her intro into the song made me cry. She talked about how signing was a huge part of her childhood, but that she had never thought about it as a career. As he found her way into the world, and got a job, she always felt that something was missing. And then, after a very long break from music and signing, music found it’s way back to her. She started signing and playing music again. She started songwriting. She started recording. She started playing live shows. She journeyed way outside of her box and her comfort zone, faced her fears, and was now playing and sharing her music with hundreds…thousands of people.

Jai-Jagdeesh is now the fourth woman who has shared a story with me, a personal story, that has made me realize that by sharing, and telling our stories, we give other woman (or men) permission to do the same. I understood this intellectually before, but hearing it for a 4th time through her music, allowed me to really feel it. Seeing her up on the stage at Kripalu, in her truth, telling her story, made me fully understand that I too can move into my truth, and tell my story. For me, writing was a huge part of my childhood and teenage years. Writing was this voice, an authentic voice that was just mine. I wrote to express myself fully, and expressing myself on paper always felt so safe. I have boxes and boxes of my writing. And then I stopped, I just stopped writing. I’m not sure why. But this whole time during my twenties and thirties, I have felt that something was missing. I have been searching for something, never ever knowing what, and not for even a moment did I consider it was writing that was missing. But in the last six months, writing, has started to move back into my life. I find myself journaling again. I am moving back towards it, and it feels so good to be writing again. To be telling the truth. My truth. My voice. I don’t know where it will lead, and it doesn’t even matter. It’s for me. I like it. I enjoy it, and that’s enough.

I am eternally grateful for finding Jai-Jagdeesh’s music and her work. For the stars that aligned and brought us together. I know it won’t be the last time we meet. And yes, I talked to her, and hugged her and told her about my dream and how it got me to Kripalu for the workshop (which was fantastic…more on that later). She is so authentic, kind, loving, hilarious and so very very real. And thank you to Anne Berube (, Reneé Hartleib (, and my Mum for all giving me the nudge, and the permission I needed, to be the person I am.

Check out her music and below lyrics ( I loved this song before I met her, but now that I know her, and how she came to write this song, her lyrics speak even deeper to me.

I am the Light of Love (By Jai-Jagdeesh)

I will climb into your ocean, I will sail into your shore,

I will breathe in your magnificence, and never ask for more,

I will be as I am written, courage on every page,

I will carve this life with every breath, a sage to the age,

I will turn up the fountain, and fill this world with bliss,

I will sing a song of joyful love and merge into your kiss,

And I will stumble into beauty, recognizing that it’s me,

I will open up my heart, and surrender unto thee

I am the child, I am the mother

I am your bride, and your lover

I am everything, great and small

I am the one, I am it all

I am the child, I am the mother

I am your bride, and your lover

I am everything, great and small,

I am the one, I am it all

I Am The Light Of Love

I will dive into each moment, because I’ll die as I was born

I will walk at peace with ease and grace, and float with the unknown

I will find the gift in everything, perfection in every way

I will bow at the altar, of this and every day

I can’t promise not to feel some fear, or to always understand

But I’ll be the change I wish to see, I will hold every hand

I am tangled up in beauty, I see clearly that it’s me

I have opened up my heart, and surrender unto thee

I am the child, I am the mother

I am your bride, and your lover

I am everything, great and small,

I am the one, I am it all

I am the child, I am the mother

I am your bride, and your lover

I am everything, great and small,

I am the one, I am it all

I Am The Light Of Love



2 Comments Add yours

  1. scotiaspinner says:

    Beautiful – thank you for sharing this experience, and sharing Jai-Jagdeesh. I’d never heard of her, but having listened to a few songs, I will be seeking more of her music. She has a very calming and peaceful voice, and the music is equally peaceful. I can’t imagine how exciting it would have been for you to see her live, especially in such an unexpected way. Keep on writing!


  2. Beck says:

    Thanks girl!!!


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